Expectations - Whose Are They? (GBE2)
Whose expectations are you living up to? Your parents? Your own? A significant other? Or maybe a blend of all of them?
Sometimes it's hard to get away from what others expect, even when those expectations are negative. If you tell a child they are a failure from early on, that they will be a failure, that you have no faith in them, that they will never succeed in anything they try, whose expectations do you think they'll follow? In all likelihood, they'll follow yours. Every stumble, every fall, will remind them of what you've said and will only provide more proof that you were right after all. They are failures and always will be failures.
There are actually people who believe that insults are a way of building someone's self-esteem. They believe that the person will learn to be tough and rise above and stand tall. I find that incredible and mind-boggling. After having been on the receiving end of decades of verbal abuse (and that is what it amounts to), I fail to see how any words meant to tear down can be deemed to be of good value.
Once you have come to believe that you are nothing and always will be nothing, the rest is self-fulfilling prophecy. You set yourself up for failure because there is no other way it should be. When you do find that you are succeeding beyond all expectations, you sabotage your efforts because that's just how it's supposed to be. You're a failure. How can you succeed? That's not part of the road map you've been given for life.
It's difficult to overcome such a rocky foundation in life. Sometimes, it cannot ever be completely overcome. Even when you realize that the things that were said to you were false and cruel, you tend to relive them over and over and over again every time you hit a bump in the road. You become that child again suffering the verbal blows that reiterated your inability to achieve. You berate yourself and blame the past.
But, there comes a time when you have to realize that no one has the right to control you. Not someone in your present and definitely not someone from your past! You need to find something in yourself to be proud of, something that you know, without question, is valuable and worthy. And, stand your ground! Don't let someone else knock you down. When you trip, get back up and brush yourself off. Are you a fantastic mother? Be proud of it!! Can you cook? Are you good with numbers? Do you write well? Then, love yourself for it!! Do you have things you don't do well? Embrace them - accept the fact that you won't ever do everything well. Remember, there are things that you do better than someone else, too. Everyone has something they can't do well. EVERYONE!! Don't ever let someone put you down because you don't meet their expectations.
The only expectations you need to worry about are yours. Believe in yourself. Like who you are. Never again give the past permission to control the present!!
Sometimes it's hard to get away from what others expect, even when those expectations are negative. If you tell a child they are a failure from early on, that they will be a failure, that you have no faith in them, that they will never succeed in anything they try, whose expectations do you think they'll follow? In all likelihood, they'll follow yours. Every stumble, every fall, will remind them of what you've said and will only provide more proof that you were right after all. They are failures and always will be failures.
There are actually people who believe that insults are a way of building someone's self-esteem. They believe that the person will learn to be tough and rise above and stand tall. I find that incredible and mind-boggling. After having been on the receiving end of decades of verbal abuse (and that is what it amounts to), I fail to see how any words meant to tear down can be deemed to be of good value.
Once you have come to believe that you are nothing and always will be nothing, the rest is self-fulfilling prophecy. You set yourself up for failure because there is no other way it should be. When you do find that you are succeeding beyond all expectations, you sabotage your efforts because that's just how it's supposed to be. You're a failure. How can you succeed? That's not part of the road map you've been given for life.
It's difficult to overcome such a rocky foundation in life. Sometimes, it cannot ever be completely overcome. Even when you realize that the things that were said to you were false and cruel, you tend to relive them over and over and over again every time you hit a bump in the road. You become that child again suffering the verbal blows that reiterated your inability to achieve. You berate yourself and blame the past.
But, there comes a time when you have to realize that no one has the right to control you. Not someone in your present and definitely not someone from your past! You need to find something in yourself to be proud of, something that you know, without question, is valuable and worthy. And, stand your ground! Don't let someone else knock you down. When you trip, get back up and brush yourself off. Are you a fantastic mother? Be proud of it!! Can you cook? Are you good with numbers? Do you write well? Then, love yourself for it!! Do you have things you don't do well? Embrace them - accept the fact that you won't ever do everything well. Remember, there are things that you do better than someone else, too. Everyone has something they can't do well. EVERYONE!! Don't ever let someone put you down because you don't meet their expectations.
The only expectations you need to worry about are yours. Believe in yourself. Like who you are. Never again give the past permission to control the present!!
Labels: ability, esteem, expectations, pride, self-fulfilling prophecy, verbal abuse
posted by SJerZGirl at
6:02 PM
10 Comments
