Day 07: Something at which you've been a champion or the best.

This one is not the easiest one to answer. I've never felt that I was the best at anything, but really, there have been some times that might count. I just never viewed them as such.


I've been able to read since I was at least four years old. Because of that, I have been a decent speller for almost as long. When I was in second grade, our teacher picked up on the fact that I could spell better than all the kids in my class, so she challenged the fifth grade class to a spelling bee. We only had four classrooms in our school and each one was a different grade. The fifth grade teacher was also the principal and he readily agreed to the challenge. 


When the day came for the spelling bee, my class lined up against one wall and the fifth grade along another. One by one people dropped out as they spelled words wrong until it was just me and one fifth grader. He and I went back and forth as words were given to us. Eventually, he spelled a word (that escapes my memory) wrong. It happened that I knew how to spell it, so when they gave me the same word, I spelled it correctly. I had won the challenge against the fifth graders. I felt pretty darned good.


Then while attending college in Utah, I took a Creative Writing class and we were assigned to write two poems. One was supposed to rhyme and the other was free-style. I got As on both, but the professor suggested that I enter the one in the University's college writing contest. I felt pretty good about it, but didn't think it was something that that others would understand. It was on the dark side and spoke of the psychological oppression I had dealt with while married. But, I did submit it and was completely surprised when months later, I got a letter in the mail telling me I had won in the poetry division. What a shock! It was a wonderful surprise and one of which I am still proud.

Day 05: Something in life that gives me balance

Gee, this isn't an easy topic. I'm not sure I know what is meant by "balance", unless it is "that which keeps you from losing your mind".


My life has always been a bit topsy-turvy with a splash of turmoil thrown in for good measure. There were years when "losing my mind" was pretty damned close to reality. I had problems. Ones that I recognized and others that I didn't. I was my own worst enemy. I ruined friendships, relationships and jobs.


It wasn't until I married, had kids and divorced that I finally got the help I needed. Through counseling and medication, I became someone that I finally liked. Through counseling, I learned the origins of my problems and that I was taking it all out on myself by maintaining anger and by reliving the past. I was giving those who hurt me early in life permission to continue hurting me long afterwards. 


It wasn't a quick fix, by any means. It took years and years to overcome. Writing became one of my best ways of coping, of talking myself through things without internalizing them. Over time, I have become a different person than I used to be. Far from perfect, but also far from that fractured shell I used to be. 

Instinct - GBE2 August 6

Very non-productive week for me. Just haven’t felt motivated to do much of anything. I didn’t get Friday’s book blurb done and I’m only now beginning this, due on Saturday. What can I say? It’s just like that sometimes – no real reason other than no real “oomph” in me right now.

What does that have to do with instinct? I’m not sure. My instinct for years has been to write as a form of escape or self-therapy (even before I knew such things existed). I think it’s directly related to my desire to read, which often allowed me to escape. Psychologists might call it the instinct for survival, not so much to keep me alive physically, but to keep me alive emotionally.

Yet, when this all vanishes, when expression evades me, when even being online no longer draws me in, I have to wonder if there is instinct involved as well.

I’ve watched more television lately, so could my ADD just be leading me to another method of escapism? Another way to be elsewhere without leaving?

Which leads me to another aspect of instinct, for me at least. I seem to instinctively analyze everything, to try to understand the whys and wherefores of what’s happening. I actually do fairly well since a couple of friends come to me periodically seeking my take on a situation in their lives. They feel comfortable with my interpretation of what I see – yet, I don’t seem to have that same ability when it comes to me. I am also prone to over-analyzing situations. Why do I seem to “get” what’s going on with someone else and feel so lost at times when it comes to me?

Yet, getting back to instinct, I think I’ve instinctively known what to do to survive different situations in my life, even if I didn’t know what to do to get away. That doesn’t mean I escaped unscathed, but it does mean those situations didn’t destroy me because I found a way to deal or to heal. There was damage. There are scars. There is residual pain.

Another point of instinct – I don’t believe motherhood is necessarily instinctive. Sure, we will instinctively protect our children, defend them against predators, etc. But, what about those of us who didn’t feel that natural bond that so many say occurs? For me, being a mother was a struggle. It just didn’t come natural for me like it seemed to for others. I had never been around kids, didn’t know a thing about taking care of kids (believe me – book learning DOESN’T compensate!), didn’t even like being around kids all that much. Where was MY instinct to be a mother? How do you even explain it to others without their looking at you like you’re some kind of monster? Oh, I got better when I had my second child. I bonded with her in a way that didn’t happen the first time. I don’t love her any less than my first or any more, but there was a connection I felt when she was born that I hadn’t felt when my son was born. Is that wrong? Or is it just wrong to admit it? That was an instinct I would have appreciated having. I’m pretty sure my kids would have appreciated it as well.

There are other instincts I’d have liked to have had – like cooking. My mother just knew what something needed to taste good. She loved cooking and lived to cook. She could re-create a dish she’d tried and come reasonably close to the original. Not me. That gene bypassed me completely. I get it right more often now than I used to, but there was many a time that even following a recipe didn’t help. I just didn’t have “the touch”. Same with plants – Mom had a green thumb….a MAJOR green thumb. Mine? Dark Brown! You want your plant to die? Give it to me. Guaranteed death. No instinct whatsoever for keeping non-animals alive. My kids are very lucky they weren’t plants.

Succinctly Yours for July 25 - Master Carpenter

Succinctly Yours is hosted by Grandma of Grandma's Goulash. She presents us with a photo and we are to use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words. It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more. The vast majority of us use the 140 character option.

If we want more of a challenge? Then we can use the word of the week in our stories. This is optional.

How does Grandma come up with the weekly word?

She doesn’t. She asks her daughter for a word without her having seen the picture. That makes it more fun for everyone. 

I hope you enjoy the results. Join us if you want. We'd love to have more to read!

Photo for Monday, July 25th.
 

Word Of The Week: arbitrary 

To his wife, the array of tools seemed so arbitrary. But to Jonas, they represented the fulfillment of a dream that honored his grandfather’s legacy.

Week 14 - Succinctly Yours by Grandma's Goulash

Join us in our challenge! Use the photo as inspiration for a story of 140 characters OR 140 words. It doesn’t have to be exactly 140, just not more.

Want more challenge? Use the word of the week in your story. This part is optional.

How does Grandma come up with the weekly word?
She doesn’t. She asks her daughter, who hasn’t seen the picture, for a word. That makes it even more of a challenge for us.

The photo for Monday, June 27th.

Word Of The Week: 
tribute

It’s hard to imagine today’s traffic being re-routed to allow hundreds to march in tribute to recent civil rights gains.